Just this once...

so, im headed to totowa to live with some of my sorority sisters for a month before i go back to school. this is a relief. 2 of them work full time, one is never at the apt (she goes home a lot), and the other one is a gym-fiend.
I'm happy this is going to work.
My mom gave me 3 grapefruits, and $100 to get the kind of food i want at the house... which to me is amazing spending money for things to keep me occupied so i dont eat =) - like the gym membership im getting tomorrow ... yay!

i can do this!!

2008, here i come!

* wish me luck *

off to vermont till the 30th with my family... blahhh.

wish me luck!


xox
<3


MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

blegh... holidays = death.

i had a grapefruit this morning... not bad.

went to my grandmothers for an italian christmas eve dinner... somehow got away with a little bit of lasagna, and a small meatball.... to which i ate half of, and managed to sneak the rest in the garbage by offering to clean the table.

i had a ton of coffee too....

got home, and just the thought of having ANY lasagna in me made me so sick.... got in the shower, and threw up for a good 20 minutes... dry heaves hurt... but when everything comes up, it feels so good...

tomorrow... im going to my uncles, and i really cant eat much at all... im staying there, and my ENTIRE family is sleeping over... there will be no WAY to get rid of it =/. Then, i leave for Vermont for 3 days and 4 nights... eating shouldnt be TOO bad there... my Aunt eats like a bird, and plus we go hiking / skiing / snow shoing... AND, i have my own bathroom =)... we'll see.

im bound and determined... 110 by january 16th. Here i go...

<3 Merry Christmas everyone.

Im not quite sure what to do with myself... I don't want to be home, I'm not happy, these past few days have felt like a mess. A woman I was VERY close with growing up dies on Saturday... The Saturday before that, a girl at school died that I knew... and I know it's only two people, but it fucked with my head... I'm a mess.
The kid I used to date... I dated him for 3 years... is in the National Guard, about to be deployed to Iraq in few months. I'm heartbroken...
I have a boyfriend now, It's been almost a year, and I love him... but once you've been with someone for that long...3 years... there's an attachment there like nowhere else. My heart hurts.
I just want to be happy... its the Holidays... but I'm not. My life is a mess, my body is a mess. I'm sick of it all =(. I just want to lie in bed and cry all day...





...Maybe tomorrow will be better?

Day 1 of many to come... it seems like so long ago i was writing here, when really, it wasn't that long ago. I just feel lost... Here I am at 132 again. I play on being down 12 pounds in two weeks. 120 by January 2nd... here I go again.